Okay so let’s get this out of the way immediately: the new chapters are amazing, Raise Up Your Bat is a banger, Dess is for sure the Knight, the church area was fucking sick, I love the new climbing mechanic, and that final boss fight against the Titan was mindblowingly cool. With all the obvious stated, it’s theory time.

On Dess and Carol (with bonus Kris motivation explanation): Dess is the Knight. I don’t think there’s a question there, the Knight’s theme uses her leitmotif (Lost Girl, which also appears in Raise Up Your Bat. Also, due to the lyrical similarities between RUYB and Don’t Forget I am now convinced that Dess is meant to be the one singing it) and the bat/baseball and deer imagery of its design. I think what happened is that Dess died, and Carol somehow knows about Dark Worlds and that they can revive dead monsters, and attempted the same thing with what remains she had of Dess (the dust scattered on her guitar, perhaps?) and she came back wrong, explaining the Knight’s amalgamate-reindeer look. Throughout 3 and 4 we see an emphasis on wanting to return to the “good old days” when the Holiday and Dreemurr families were still happy and relatively intact- the dissolution of which Dess’s disappearance seems to be catalyst. Dess is gone, Asgore was removed from the police force and Toriel divorced him, etc. Not to mention Rudolph’s illness and Asriel heading off to college! I think Carol wants her daughter, and those bygone happy days, back, and will create a perfect dark world (an angel’s heaven?) in order to make that happen. Based on the way Tenna’s loneliness in chapter 3 parallels closely with Kris, I believe they want that just as badly. They were close with Dess, too, after all. I think Carol is perhaps being misled into thinking that beginning the roaring would somehow help bring about the angel’s heaven as she envisions it rather than the end of the world. I also think Carol is probably the one operating in the light world to transport Dess’s guitar to where the new fountains will be created. She’s manipulating Kris, too, as they both yearn for the same thing. I think that this idea of wanting happiness to go on forever is pretty thematically relevant given some of Susie’s sentiments in chapter 4. Also, I think Dess/the Knight is suffering. You can see her crying/dripping in chapter 3. She may seem evil but I don’t think she wants this. (Also, Noelle’s lines in chapter 2 about Dess wanting to take her to a city just like the Cyber World are heartbreaking in this context!) I’m kind of obsessed. Also, I think Carol was probably the voice that interrupts at the end of the vessel creation in the normal Deltarune font, possibly because she made some kind of deal with Kris to put the soul into them in service of her plan. I’m still not sure if the original narrator is Gaster or not but I think Gaster is more interesting if he remains a weird secret easter egg guy. I think this all slots in nicely with the themes of dark worlds as escapism.

On the phone calls: I think it’s Carol. Phone-person says they’ll come to the Holiday house shortly when Susie gets the guitar, and then Carol comes over immediately. Some say that the call at the end of the weird route disproves that since she uses a normal voice, but I disagree. What if she sounds so strange and distorted because she’s calling from inside a dark world? Using a phone in one results in “garbage noise” and distortion. Crucially, I think she also called Spamton... from the light world, and since Darkners kind of exist in service of Lightners it would be akin to a religious experience for him (and not the first time Spamton has interacted with a Holiday- and the phrase “heart shaped object” is used in relation to both Spamton and Carol). The Addisons say that his phone calls were nothing but garbage noise, but what if it was Carol? Either way, the way Carol pulls Kris away from following the clearly upset Susie is... interesting. They’re so clearly being used by her! Idon’t think Kris is free even when they take out the soul. I think, also, that the player isn’t villainous (unless you choose to be of course...) but rather the lesser of two controlling evils. So, yeah, I’m all in on Phone Carol and Knight Dess. Carol is the brains behind the operation and Dess is the suffering brawn.

On the prophecy, and perhaps a previous incarnation of it: The more I think about it, the more I think Susie isn’t “THE GIRL”. I don’t think the Fun Gang are prophecied at all! I think the prophecy was originally meant to refer to Dess (the girl), a vessel (cage with human parts), and Asriel (prince alone in deepest dark. Note how in the true version of the prophecy, the prince was never said to be FROM the dark world, unlike Ralsei’s retelling in chapter 1... And is always depicted with fire magic) The girl holds a sword, not an axe, much like how the Knight wields a sword that shapeshifts from a bat, and Ralsei makes some comments indicating that the girl is meant to wear bows and things rather than the items Susie can equip. There’s also just a ton of emphasis on how special and unique Susie feels because she’s a part of it. It would also explain the whole vessel-creation aspect of the game’s introduction, before possibly-Carol interrupts it. What I think happened was something like this: the Dreemurr household was already a little dysfunctional even before the divorce. Somehow (related to the bunker?) Asriel finds out how to create a dark world (perhaps the castle town one), a little place for him to escape the world and not think about it, taking on a fantasy prince persona. He is alone in his little world but eventually invites Dess to come play with him and they share this joy with each other for a long while. Somewhere along the line a vessel comes into play here, a precursor to the one we were meant to have and they have wonderful adventures together. Eventually, though, Dess dies and sets the prophecy into complete disarray, breaking fate. Maybe-Gaster decides to set things right again by creating a new “cage” (which is sabotaged by Carol and we end up with Kris instead) and he possibly created Ralsei as well to serve as a dollar store Asriel. Since none of them were really meant to be part of this prophecy, really and truly, it calls all of the events predicted into question. Perhaps Susie is even a replacement of a replacement, with Noelle supposed to be in the place of Dess originally.

On what Susie saw: I have a few ideas. Firstly, it could be what happened to Dess. Or it could be what was going to happen to Dess before her fate was changed (“And your future’s lost its rights”?) and it won’t happen. I also like the theory that it could be predicting Snowgrave (if you subscribe to Noelle as the girl. “Love finds its way to the girl”, and what LOVE means in Undertale...), or could even be predicting that Susie kills one of her allies (which would explain why Ralsei is like “I thought if we were kind enough it would change” and why Susie is so upset by this. Could also mean sealing away Ralsei and the last fountain (as a metaphor for growing up?) or killing Kris by separating them from their compromised soul. We’ll see. I don’t have enough concrete evidence to say for certain and I will not be going all in on any one of these.

On Asgore and future chapters: I think the Festival next chapter is a Halloween festival!! See how Jackenstein says he’s “too scary and they only let him show his face for the festival”, as well as the autumnal setting (I’d also place chapter 5 as maybe releasing around Halloween 2026). It will be a lengthy light world segment like the visit to Noelle’s house, and the dark world will be in Asgore’s flower shop. Between the Gerson boss dialogue about the fifth chapter of his book and the room that says “the flower man, trapped in asylum”... Yeah, we’re getting Asgore. He’s even got missable dialogue in the Holiday house about a black shard, and wanting to “have a happy family again”... He’s still pathetically yearning for the good old days and seems to be at least related to Carol’s schemes in some capacity (because he wants the same thing, note how much emphasis is put on capturing Toriel too!). It’s a good avenue to learn more about Carol through him and his conflict here is thematically relevant. Exciting stuff. I think Chapter 6 will likely be a Carol-focused chapter either in the hospital or town hall, and Chapter 7 will be maybe in the bunker. Or we go to the bunker in 6 and 7 is a cool expanded version of Castle Town... Who knows!!!

Edit 6/13 - I think Susie's defiance of the prophecy will make her the "real protagonist". She's consistently able to define the variables of the game for her own benefit, going on her own paths seperate from the player, and from learning to act on her own and do it without Kris being needed to do it, to learning and mastering healing, I wouldn't be surprised if she learns how to lead next or even possibly takes the soul into herself in some pivotal moment to free Kris? In chapter 1 she's not super useful unless you're fighting everyone, but she's become a lot more of an important part of the team over time and throughout chapter 4 my girlfriend and I were thinking to ourselves that she really is the character with the purest, most heroic heart! And we jokingly call her the "real protagonist"...

Those are all my guesses for now. Also, my dog is finally done with his worm treatment as far as we know and he is relishing his freedom. I’m nearing the home stretch of making my point and click werewolf game (as I predicted, drawing the backgrounds takes the longest...) Just a little longer. It’s been so fun to work on and I’m loving how it’s turning out.

Also, the more I play Deltarune the more I am convinced Toby Fox has watched Revolutionary Girl Utena at some point.

Today's song is: Switchblade Symphony - Wallflower

The day was June fourth. Deltarune was no longer tomorrow, but Today. There were also Playstation announcements going on or something, idk I didn’t tune in. BUT PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE because on that most holy of Deltarune days, we finally learned more about Bloodstained’s sequel, which was announced, like, a million years ago, it feels like. Bloodstained: The Scarlet Engagement has a fucking killer trailer. And there is just so much to talk about, I felt like I was going to burst out of my own skin and run around like a skeleton. The Bloodstained website also has some more information for those curious and nosey lorehounds like me.

ANYWAY. The graphics look like they got an upgrade from the first game, which I am pleased with. The art direction looks a bit more Bloodborne-y compared to the more camp anime-gothic of Ritual of the Night which I am not opposed to at all. It’s actually something I like about Castlevania as well, as each game has its own distinct aesthetic influences. It’s fun and I’d love to see Bloodstained play around with style even more in future games! It’s also a prequel, taking place 200 years before ROTN. If I recall right, Koji Igarashi said it was a mistake to have given Castlevania a public timeline since it made it harder to play around the “only once every century” rule (which Dracula has admittedly broken many times), so I’m curious if Bloodstained will avoid having a more concrete timeline or not. Regardless, it looks like we have a different set of characters, villains, and settings, and very little of the things that have been revealed seem to connect to ROTN at all (though they are in the same universe), so if the series is more loosely-connected I wouldn’t be opposed to that. Maybe it will take more of an “anthology” style direction than the “one long epic about a clan of hunters” style Castlevania went for. Which is cool! It gives them a lot more freedom (especially since they don’t have a bunch of kickstarter obligations now). AND ALL THE ARMOR SHOWS UP ON YOUR CHARACTER MODEL? LET’S GOOOOO I am gonna play so much dressup. Also, as far as we know, no Switch port. I don’t blame them. I might look into getting a Steam deck. (As a Christmas gift, I don’t have that kind of money on me LMAO)

Also, Portrait of Ruin mechanics are back?! IT’S ALL I COULD HAVE HOPED FOR! I love the designs of the main two night characters (Leonard and Alexander) and my friends are betting on what their genders will end up being, given their super androgynous designs. My personal bet is that Leo (who has the long hair) is a guy, and Alex (who has the short haircut) has a Sypha Belnades situation going on, just based on the voice direction, they sound very much like a female voice actress instructed to sound male, if that makes sense. But we’ll see! It seems the villains are an evil Demon Lord named Elias (who we know little about) and his vampire followers the Sanguinaries (and I am always hyped for more vampires!). Curiously, both Leo and Alex use shard abilities... Given the shardbinders in ROTN were subjected to horrific human experiments I am extremely curious what these two have been through!

The title has me very intrigued. The main Bloodstained logo got a little upgrade, the double-O now looks like two interlocked engagement rings, so I am super curious if our main duo is meant to be a couple. Maybe even an arranged marriage, given that they’re from two different orders (Leo in the Black Wolves, from the church and Alex in the White Stags, serving the kingdom). Or maybe their love is forbidden... Alex is mentioned to be the sole survivor of a previous attempt to kill Elias so I am fully ready for some knight PTSD!! HELL YEAH!!!! We don’t know much about the circumstances of their allyship but the fact that they come from different factions really intrigues me. The website says they team up as a “desperate final attempt” to kill Elias so it may have been out of necessity. There’s a lot of directions this could go. Also I’m getting mad “this character will betray you” vibes from old man Theodore over there...

In addition to IGA, this game was helmed by SHUTARO/Curry the Kid (who you might recognize from the credits of just about any ‘vania from Aria onwards...) and he has also tweeted that he wrote the main story and that tonally it might be similar to Order of Ecclesia (my favorite ‘vania, which he also wrote! So we’re getting Portrait gameplay with Ecclesia’s narrative focus... I must be in heaven!). It’s really a shame he had to leave the team due to his his cancer diagnosis, so I’d like to take a moment to appreciate all the things he accomplished for both Castlevania and Bloodstained. He had an important role in making my favorite games in the series and I’m sure The Scarlet Engagement will be another great work of art. I really hope SHUTARO recovers well, because he’s kind of an unsung genius with regards to his contributions to Castlevania.

So in conclusion: I am super optimistic about The Scarlet Engagement and I will wait for 2026 with bated breath.

Also, I’ve been playing Deltarune. I have some theories but I’ll wait before I post anything about them (if I do), I’d hate to spoil someone. But chapter 3 was lots of fun and chapter 4 is SO GOOD. I got a bit stuck on the last boss (and unfortunately that means replaying a whole long section... awesome) so I’m taking a break to let my girlfriend catch up. It’s really good! I have so many thoughts on the new developments...

Still working hard on my wolf game. Just three more backgrounds to draw and implement, and then music and ambience, and some code stuff- I’m going to be playing around with some boolean. I’m excited to get it all put together.

Today's song is: Nosferatu - Farewell My Little Earth

Hello all! I’ve had a pretty exciting morning and it's something worth posting about, because I successfully rescued a downed nestling! I think it may have been a grackle or something like that, only just growing in its little pin feathers.

The story starts yesterday morning, I was out with Autumn on his usual trips to the backyard to relieve himself, and he began sniffing intensely and growling at a little bush. Perplexed, I pulled aside the branches and twigs and saw it: the little baby bird, laying on the ground, being swarmed by ants. I looked around for a nest (and couldn't see any) so I took Autumn back inside, found my best shoe-box and some gloves, and relocated the little thing so it would at least be up off the ground. All that day I tried waiting around to see if the parents would come for it, while periodically checking in to make sure it was alright, but to no avail, so Laura and I decided we would take it to a bird sanctuary the next day.

My main worry was whether it would make it through the night, because the poor thing was absolutely helpless and definitely hungry. We did feed it a little bit (wet dog food mixed with water because it's all we had, and I had seen a comment mentioning raising a nestling on cat food) and it was so cute, it absolutely gobbled the morsels up, chomping its little beak on the spoon so eagerly. After a while it stopped making its distress calls and would just peep at us when it wanted food, so I think it knew we weren't going to hurt it. I didn't want to get too attached immediately, in case things didn't work out (since I’ve never cared for a bird before, much less a nestling. I had no clue what I was doing!) but... I absolutely did, lol. I fell in love with our little creature in distress so it was such a relief to wake up and see it still alive and excited to see me (and hungry! with Very Loud Opinions). He was doing so much better since I relocated him, sitting up and crawling around and just generally better than how I found him, laying in the dirt and leaves.

That morning we drove to a little bird rehabilitation place and the woman running it was so nice. The little thing will have lots of yummy mealworms (proper food for little birds!) and a couple bird-siblings as well, so I think it’s in great hands. Perhaps one day it will return to the wild, once it's a full grown adult! I wonder if it will remember us... So, all's well that ends well. I felt like an owl from Guardians of Ga’hoole or something, what with how they're always rescuing downed owlets. (I guarantee if Guardians of Ga’hoole had more of an impact on pop culture there would be a “Ga’hoole: Forgotten Refuge of the Owl Girl” shrine on this site... That series was as important to me as Warrior Cats! And it mostly holds up on a reread! ...Maybe I should make that shrine one day.)

It's such a nice feeling, knowing I did something really good for something so vulnerable today. It's something special and worth cherishing.

Hm, other news, other news... I have another game in the works. Unsure when it's coming out, it'll be ready when it's ready, but it's coming along really nicely! I have about half of the graphics done and I’m coding in new rooms as I finish their sprites and backgrounds and such, so you could say it's about halfway done. But I also want to program in some more complex item interactions and things, which I’m saving for the end. I’m using AGS again, this time for a standalone game about a werewolf: YOU! It's got character customization (accessed by using the pelts included in your inventory, which is the coolest thing ever), secrets, and all sorts of fun features. You can even press H to howl! I coded it all by myself!!! I’m super jazzed with what I have so far, and I’m excited to implement everything else that I have planned. I keep worrying it’s going to obsolete my Clovenglade game, but I’m already planning a huge, overhauled, upgraded version for Clovenglade’s final “expansion pack” (I have three more planned, one of which I want to start working on later this year, entitled “Fillies and Foals”) with new features, rooms, and NPCs, but that's something for the far future. If anything, working on more fun and complex AGS games is training me for it later... So, yeah, keep an eye out for “Werewoods”! I’ve been feeling really connected with my lycanthropy again lately and “make a wolf game” has been on my to-do list since the start of this year... It was meant to be.

The other bit of news is that the Angel Hare merch I ordered forever ago is finally here. I got the Gabriel plush, the coloring book, and both of the trading card packs. I am super pleased with all of it (and searching for colored pencils). That's all for now!!!

Today's song is: Love Spirals Downwards - Write In Water

Hello! I went and watched that new vampire movie, Sinners, and it is exactly as good as everyone says it is. The acting (Michael B. Jordan’s twin performances especially feel like they shouldn’t even be possible!), the soundtrack, the cinematography? All of it is just. Chef’s kiss. That’s the kind of movie that reminds me why I love film so much as an art form.

I particularly liked the pacing. The movie starts with its ending, letting you know there will be vampires and shit will get real in the span of 1 day, and then turns the clock back to that previous day and lets the characters get very slowly and deliberately introduced. It feels like you’re experiencing that day right there with Sammie, Smoke and Stack as they get ready to open up their juke joint and get everyone involved. You almost forget it’s a vampire movie because you get so invested in this awesome party they’re setting up. And holy shit, that scene- where Sammie plays the blues so good he summons all the spirits of the past and future? PERFECT CINEMA. No notes. Incredible.

The vampires in this movie are a pretty clear metaphor for cultural assimilation- those who get turned end up dancing to all the same songs and the main leader Remmick positions it as getting “saved”- but I particularly like the nuance added by Remmick being Irish and having experienced colonization himself. He’s been forced into that same assimilation, but rather than offering solidarity he’s trying to gain Sammie’s music and source of community and culture because he feels cut off from his own, attempting to pull it into his homogenized vampire hive and literally drain it of its life. It’s good stuff and one of the most concise explanations of why cultural appropriation can be so harmful. I feel like Sammie’s father regarding his music as sinful kind of ties into that too (given the whole vampirism = “salvation” thing Remmick says), and his final decision to leave the sharecropping plantation and his preacher father behind, because his music is his freedom, but I’d have to ruminate on that a bit more.

This is also just a totally great vampire movie? It’s got my two favorite vampire weaknesses (garlic and invitations) and every scene where a vampire is trying to get invited in with very flimsy excuses was hilarious. But it’s super tense at all the right moments, too! The action is good, you really feel all the character deaths. I do think it’s a bit weird that the true ending of the movie is basically hidden behind a post-credits scene (and a really good one at that) but other than that I don’t really have any criticisms. It’s just a really well-made movie all around and well worth all the excitement. We’re in a good time for vampire movies. I feel so spoiled that I saw both this and Nosferatu within months of each other.

Today's song is: Oingo Boingo - Weird Science

Yes, really. I’ve been wanting to sing my praises for this album for a long time.

Everyone knows the novelty act Alvin and the Chipmunks, to the point where a common synonym for pitched up vocals is “chipmunking” (if you're not a nightcore connoisseur, of course). But the chipmunk vocals weren't created by merely speeding up existing songs, as they're at the same RPM as the originals. In the era of vinyl, the singer would perform the vocals at half-speed, which would then be paired with the regular instrumental at the higher RPM, leading to the high-pitched sound while keeping the song at the same speed. We are not here to talk about the “correct” versions of the Chipmunk’s records.

What if you were to play these records at a slower RPM? You get Sludgefest, one of my favorite albums ever. It compiles several of the Chipmunks’ rock covers, creating a peeling back of the curtain, exposing the original performances- and the slowed down, delicious instrumental, the titular sludge. When it appeared in my recommendations years ago, the thumbnail- an edit of the already sparse Chipmunk Punk cover where the chipmunks are melting into a puddle of oil- was already striking and weird enough. Then I heard the opening, where the druggy riffs of the once high-energy Call Me by Blondie set the scene immediately, almost Joy Division-esque. It feels like being left to melt in the sun. It's sludge. The comments are filled with little mini-fanfictions about the cute, childish characters Alvin, Theodore and Simon performing for violent crowds, getting into controversy, abusing the Chippettes, overdosing on drugs, being driven to death by their manager Dave, and just generally disintegrating. Melting like plastic toys. Sludge.

It's easy to write this off as something as much of a novelty trick, but I would argue that the actual tracklist of Sludgefest is artfully curated. Despite the cover being based on Chipmunk Punk, only three out of the eight tracks are sourced from it. There's some good variety (including some pop, some rock, and even an obscure song from a Chipmunks movie). I assert that Sludgefest is a genuinely great transformative work as well as an album in its own right, and I’m going to go track by track and analyze why it's so perfect.

The original Call Me is a high energy, fast song, and the sludge version is the perfect opener in its contrasts. The opening riff is perfect, long, low, growls, and the vocals come in very quickly. It is a song that shows you exactly what this record is all about. It also has significance to the Chipmunks themselves, as a DJ jokingly playing Call Me at a higher RPM led to the creation of Chipmunk Punk, which re-popularized the brand. Here, it's recontextualized, slowed back down, an invitation into the sludge and a shrine to rockstar hedonism with a hint of the emptiness within. It might be the best track on the album. The organ section especially shines, and of course the desperate vocals. The recording process meant that the vocals have some really weird enunciation for the clarity of the final product, adding to the overall effect. It's off putting but it's addictive.

The next track is a cover of Walk Like an Egyptian, another well-known hit. The enunciation is fully on display in this track, giving it a drunken quality. There's absolutely huge percussion going on, and of course the “way-oh-way-ohhh” vocals, made echoey and choir-like, it's haunting. And then when you think you’ve got all the song has to offer, you get the absolutely nasty guitar solo about two minutes and fifty seconds into it, one of the best moments of the record. It's stunning!

Then after the creeping, apocalyptic hell-sludge of Walk Like an Egyptian, you get treated to the haunting Heaven is a Place On Earth. I don't know how to describe it other than the song equivalent of a kind of crusty 90s angel gif on a tiled sky background. I saw a comment once that said it sounded like watching some kind of religious/cult ritual, which is a pretty good descriptor. When the chorus hits it HITS. Then we get to Diamond Dolls. Diamond Dolls is one of the weirder tracks on the album, being a Chipmunks movie soundtrack song, but it pairs really well with Heaven is a Place on Earth. The bridge of “silver, platinum/I pass on them/you can have them/I know what I want” is probably my favorite bit of the song, which has lyrics describing the challenges girls face in a competitive world, which is almost queered by the decision to slow it down (as the Chipmunks and Chippettes have the same voice actor), made into a work of gender-subversion. While I am cisgender it's hard not to come up with a trans reading of this version of the song! It's good stuff (and of course, sludgy perfection). We're all girls regardless of how we're born, and we all struggle in the ravenous world, held down by the same ceiling. It lends the chorus even more defiance and power.

The next track is my absolute favorite, You Keep Me Hangin’ On. The backup “hooo oooh ooohs” become a haunting howl of anguish, and the slower vocal performance is heartwrenching. The climactic wail of “you’re just using me... abusing me!” is like a knife to the chest. What was once a pretty standard breakup song becomes a cry for help when tonally recontextualized in such a way. The absolutely huge, echoey drums and the slowed down synths really shine here, too. It's just aching auditory bliss and I love it so much.

Then comes the “horror moment” of the album, My Sharona. My Sharona is a really creepy, sleazy song when you actually get the time to listen to the lyrics. Pair that with the lurching, sludge instrumental and drunken, crazed-sounding vocal delivery (even more than on the other tracks at that) and it's even worse! It strips away any illusions of this being a fun, catchy song and brings the darkness to the surface almost deliberately (and makes you wonder why the Chipmunks of all things covered it). It's creepy in the same way that, like, BOB from Twin Peaks is creepy. It's kind of genius. And the outro segment is great!

We're thankfully lulled back into comfort with Always On My Mind, it's a huge, gentle wave of a track in the same vein as Heaven is a Place on Earth... It's so good that I personally would have made it the closing track. It almost emotionally resolves the previous two tracks with the admission that the singer was the wrong-doer in the relationship, though how much sincerity you read into it may vary. (If we're fully narrativizing the tracks, I’m somewhere in the middle. Alvin is a tormented but flawed and unreliable narrator.) Regardless, it's a stunning track with lovely moments of harmony and my second favorite on the album! The actual closing track is Refugee which is also quite good. It makes me imagine Alvin perhaps trying to win back his ex-lover's affections by promising her that he won't repeat what happened before (which led her to "live like a refugee"). I really like the vocals on this track, they're able to just wail and belt through the record-fuzz in a way that's just delicious. It's a great closer, and also has the only reminder in the album that, yeah, this is still the Chipmunks ("Theodore, what do those words really mean?" "Beats me!"), meaning it's perfect for pranking your friends and seeing if they can figure it out before the reveal.

Sludgefest is a prime example of why I love transformative work. None of it is original- being slightly altered versions of covers of original songs, being several degrees into the lineage of transformation. To create a sludge track is about as “original” as making a nightcore version of Every Time We Touch, but here's the key- it makes me feel things. It makes just about everyone feel things, based on the comments on Sludgefest and other sludge videos. Something about these damn chipmunks paints such a vivid picture in people's heads of the sort of mythologized punk-rock figures of yesteryear, of childhood and Americana in decay, of melting plastic. And that's art!!

Sludgefest is by nature derivative, but it is such a fundamentally different experience from even listening to the original songs, chipmunked or otherwise. It has transformed and adapted them into a new and special piece of art. This is the value of fan-art, of transformation, and part of why I can never get behind the art community’s obsessive protectiveness over IP, over art styles and tracing and closed species and everything. Because sharing and transformation has made some of my favorite works of art in the world. In a world with more restrictions over art and copyright, works like Sludgefest wouldn't exist. So, basically, to hell with copyright and IP law, and long live the sludge.

Thanks for reading. I’ve been meaning to do an analysis of this album for a while but it always got put on the backburner. Since I’m between projects right now and re-fixated on the album it was the perfect time to do it!

And on the subject of transformative work I finally finished that Castlevania fanfiction I was talking about, Futility! Go check it out if you have the time, I worked very hard on it. I think Volume 2 is some of my finest fanfiction ever. Okay, that’s all. Cheers!

Today's song (er, well, full album this time...) is: LunarOrbit - Sludgefest

My goodness these posts got sparse during the writing process since all my brain power is going to writing my story. By the way, that’s finished now (but not published, I still need to finish my illustrations!) It’s novel length (72k words...) and I am super proud of it. The content is a little more mature than what’s on most of my website but my age guidelines are pretty loose anyway and I have a warning list that should cover everything. I am super, super excited for everyone to enjoy the new and improved Futility! Then things will go back to their usual websitey schedule. I’d like to make another game, next, I think. Perhaps another exploratory AGS one.

Autumn is doing well. He just had his second round of injections for the heartworms and he’s been doing a little better compared to the first one. He still has another month of kennel imprisonment but I can already see how he’s been improving as a result of the worm-killer and steroids and stuff. I will be very very happy when this is all done (which it almost is, just one more checkup) because jeez my bank account is feeling the effects even with it mostly being covered by my parents, since my work hours are slowing down again. I hate being part time sometimes, ugh. (My ko-fi is always open to Worm Donations if one is so inclined)

Also, our house got new windows. It might make our landlady’s insurance bills go down because they’re up to regulation or whatever, so maybe rent will go down too? Fingers crossed! Anyway all our furniture is all over the place so it feels like we just moved in again... Also, we went to IKEA last week so we have fancy new curtain rods. Score! It was a fun little trip, it was part of my girlfriend’s birthday present.

Also, her family had a big crawfish boil the other day and I have been gorging myself on the huge pile of leftovers she procured for me. I fucking love crawfish. I always kind of appreciate food that like, requires ritual or process. Like, you have to steep tea before you drink it, you have to extract the crawfish from its shell, etc (This is also why I absolutely love hot-pot). I don’t know why but it always feels more special, like a little treat.

That’s all for now. Hopefully “Futility: The Collected Volumes of Lucila Fortner” should be up by the end of the week, but we’ll see!

Today's song is: Concrete Blonde - The Sky is a Poisonous Garden

It has been a little while since my last post since I’ve been so busy writing, so here’s another life update. Autumn has gotten his first heartworm injection, so he’s in gay baby jail now. He’s dealing pretty well with confinement and all the painkillers and sedatives the vet gave us are definitely helping. We are spoiling him with treats and new toys and hopefully his recovery is quick and easy. He goes in for his second round of shots on May 10thish, then hopefully after his month of rest he’ll be worm-free (though we won’t be able to tell for a while).

Work’s been super busy, but that’s probably for the best because I need the money. Doesn’t make those busy shifts any less painful though, lol. In my spare time I’ve continued to work on my Order of Ecclesia OC fanfiction. I have finished 7 out of 10 main chapters! So, almost done. I am quite proud of how Chapter 2 of Volume 2 has come out and I am so excited to eventually share the whole thing.

Also, not to sound off my rocker, but... I’ve had magic on my brain again lately and I’ve again considered writing up a page dedicated to my thoughts on magic. I’ve alluded to it before (given that whole segment of my wolf shrine about “real werewolf spell” videos and how profound I find them, and posted about some divination-related things on the blog before) but I want to have a more “official” page to organize my beliefs and stuff. I’ve been kicking around what I think about all of this since I consider myself a “soft” believer in things like divination as a sort of psychological trick to nudge yourself to a desired outcome or way of thinking- I view magic as an alternate pathway to a real destination built on suspension of disbelief. Like, “magic” is less a way to “understand the universe” but rather “understand yourself”- a lens?

I want to synthesize it into something beneficial or helpful for me in a more structured way someday since I’ve come to realize this kind of thing is at least a little bit sincere on my part, albeit in a self aware way since, like, magic isn’t real. But it is emotionally real, and can impact my actions- again, I regard it as a psychological trick you play on yourself. Honestly I’m mostly just glad my OCD hasn’t interfered with this at all, I haven’t noticed any correlation between my OCD thought patterns and my belief in “magic”, they’re entirely separate. It’s similar to how I experience otherkinning, in that I understand it as a purely mundane, emotional attachment of sorts but still experience memories and other things. Again, it’s all in the sincerity and suspension of disbelief to get yourself from point A to B. I don’t really know what to do with this but I am kind of coming to accept that, yeah, I do kind of have some form of “spiritual” beliefs, albeit with some self awareness.

Also, my RSS reader of choice is bugged right now, which is a bummer. I feel so disconnected. Apparently it’s because of their hosting provider and they’re working to resolve it, but it’s still so odd not having things to read.

Finally: I just read the second Warrior Cats graphic novel (it arrived yesterday). Good stuff! Those last few pages with the dogs have incredible page compositions, the art is great, and the plot just flows off the page. I devoured it in a single sitting. Great all around and I eagerly await the final installment. Yellowfang’s death still gets me every time...

Today's song is: Corpus Delicti - The Awakening

I completely forgot about the blog for a second there, whoops! Anyway, I finished touching up all of the stable sprites for Clovenglade, all of them should have nicer-looking back legs now and some smoother animations. I think Oskar gets the award for most improved considering I did not touch his sprite since it was originally created back in October of 2023. His sprite was heavily edited and entirely re-animated and he looks so cute now.

Now that that’s finished, I’m dipping my toe back into fanfiction by doing a whole expanded rewrite of my former “magnum opus”, Futility, which is an Order of Ecclesia fanfiction I wrote from the perspective of it being a biography of Barlowe written by an OC. The problem is, back then I had made the whole outline before deciding it was a piece of writing in-universe, and before writing my OC Lucila into it. So she doesn’t really have an arc despite her being the central perspective character, she just stays an evil Dracula worshipper. Missed opportunity, and she’s been on my mind a lot lately since I’ve been talking OCs with my friends a lot lately. And it made me realize she has more of a story in her than I had initially written. So this new version of Futility is restructured, better paced, kills off a few darlings and introduces new ones, and is split into two volumes: Volume One retells the story of the original Futility, with more of an emphasis on the experiences and arc of Lucila as her faith is repeatedly challenged and her decision to remain faithful to Barlowe despite the dark secrets at the heart of the order. Volume Two takes place after the events of Order of Ecclesia, where with the order disbanded, Lucila wanders the earth in search of new purpose and meets all manner of strange characters, with a pretty poignant ending. Each volume has five chapters; I’ve written three and change, so I’m somewhat far along into the first Volume.

I really want to challenge the way I write, and adopting this voice is really helping. Words are flowing onto the page a lot more easily and I am so excited to eventually finish this project. I’m very proud of what I’ve got so far. Things might be quiet in website-land since I’m working so hard on this, but I’m planning to host it on both AO3 and on the site itself (with some bonus illustrations and stuff on this website to sweeten the deal, though the bulk of the content will be the same between both versions.) It’s got me fixated on cults and religious imagery again... Writing a convincing cult is difficult, and I think despite my best efforts I did fail in the original version of Futility. I focused too much on the suffering and not the downtime. I think I’ve got something a little more balanced in this new version. I dunno, I’m excited to see what people think. I haven’t been this invigorated to write fanfiction in a long time.

Other than that, not much to share. It’s been a quiet March for me. On the 29th is the first anniversary of “Go Riding In Clovenglade!”, an important milestone for interactive games and stuff on my website, and still one of the coolest things I’ve ever made. Apparently I won’t be getting to visit my grandmother on Easter, which sucks, because she’s very nice and I enjoy visiting her. Oh well.

Today's song is: Lingua Ignota - MAN IS LIKE A SPRING FLOWER

Hello hello! Been a minute since I updated the blog even though I’ve had some small updates and stuff going on, and before I knew it I’m like 1/3 of the way through the month.

So, site stuff: Clovenglade has a small update to the Racetrack page. There are now 3 separate events to take part in, and each horse can win three unique awards for each one. It also makes it so that each event is weighted based on each horse’s stat spread, and the results now give a more detailed summary of the event. Each horse has a completely unique set of skills. I’m pretty happy with this change as the original version was quite bare bones.

Also, I’m finally fulfilling a promise from... oh God, two years ago? And making the Bestiary and Item List pages for the OOE fan-wiki. This is... extremely tedious, but it’s in preparation to when I get around to making a new CSS layout for the shrine since I’m really not a fan of the template I used.

Also, all of the stable sprites are getting a planned touchup since I am, yet again, getting OCD-obsessed with making sure they look perfect. I’m making some anatomical edits, in particular to the legs. I’ll be working on this between other things.

April. I’m happy with how it turned out and I’m excited to roll it out. I think my plan is that every year I’ll add two more eggs to the hunt, not anything too crazy.

As for IRL stuff, Autumn is almost done with the first phase of his worm treatment, I believe he finishes his last pills tomorrow. After a month we’ll be taking him to get his first injection. Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly, he’s been amazingly cooperative. Other than that everything’s been pretty normal. I’m a bit stressed that my hours were kind of slowing down (but they seem to be going up again) and my money is a little tight at the moment... I’m going to make an effort to pinch my pennies a bit but it is worrying me. My parents have said they’ll bail me out if I’m ever in dire straights, and I am far from dire at the moment, but damn, those hurricanes were like a whole half a year ago and we’re still feeling the effects. Bleh. If you want to help out a little, my Ko-fi is, as always, linked on my contact page, but don’t feel obligated.

Also. Oh my God. Legends Z-A gameplay trailer. It’s so fucking beautiful I could cry. I’m so excited to try out those real-time battles, and I’m unexpectedly grinning ear to ear about seeing AZ running a hotel with his Floette. Between the longer dev cycle and the promising first trailer, I am pretty optimistic! I mean, Legends Arceus was already great. I am so happy to see them build on that foundation. The starter picks are a little strange (two Johto Pokemon? Somehow Piplup and Snivy didn’t make it despite being France-inspired?) but they’re all Pokemon I like and have sentimental feelings about. Tepig was my first ever starter so I am leaning towards it as my pick, but I might change my mind depending on what forms the final evolutions get! (Meganium getting a buff would be well deserved...) I wonder if they’ll get mega evolutions?

Today's song is: The Danse Society - Wake Up

I write to you now with the last smudges of last night’s eyeliner still a ghost on my face, and with my hearing a little fuzzy. It's been a little while since the last concert I attended, since the music festival I wanted to go to in October got cancelled due to the hurricane. So I had been itching to get out and dance...

So yeah! I saw Astari Nite and Obsidian again!! And a third band I hadn’t heard of before, L.U.S.T. (short for Lucid Ultra Seduction Technique)! I just love coming out to support local bands. It’s always funny to me how big my state’s goth scene is, you wouldn’t really expect it to be.

As for the show itself... L.U.S.T. was the first opener and I swear, my tradition of not looking up the opener of a concert if I haven’t heard them before has never steered me wrong, I always have such a fun time listening to music that’s entirely new to me. I couldn’t stop dancing! Their songs would do amazing at the club. (So would the elderberry cider I was drinking, hehe) I just had to visit the merch stand to get the C.D. and the singer was very sweet, she seemed so happy I enjoyed their show. (I also got one of their custom handmade perfume rollers, it smells very sweet. Definitely one of the most unique things I’ve seen at a band’s merch table!)

Obsidian were great, too! Even better than the last time I saw them, they always go hard. I, again, couldn’t stop dancing (and was a little out of breath lol) (Also, my girlfriend has her own merch table anecdote- they gave her their C.D. for free because their card reader wasn’t working!! God I love local bands)

And Astari Nite was awesome! I feel like they’ve gotten heavier and louder since the last concert I saw them. It was so much fun to rock out and it was around midnight when I got back home, which makes me very happy that we fed Autumn before we went out for the night...

Overall my birthday was pretty low-key, I got some interesting books on horror movie history and a huge new Breyer horse figure, and I got treated to a huge sushi dinner. Grouper sashimi is so good (and so is squid). I also managed to talk everyone into unloading their leftover sushi onto me... Yeah, don’t ask me how I managed that.

So yeah, not much else to share at the moment! I’m getting through my preparations for my Easter event, which I’m super excited for. I haven’t done anything for Easter on the site for the two previous years and I think an Easter Egg hunt is very easy to set up. The idea is that the Easter event will be up through April and go back to normal about 3 days after Easter itself. I’m eager to get it running! (Maybe one year I’ll do a Valentines event but I’m always so busy around that time...)

Today's song is: Astari Nite - Gloomy Witch

Soooo forever ago I mentioned wanting to make a new favorite movies list, since I made one right after I started my website and it is extremely outdated, because I’ve watched so many other movies since then. My tastes are mostly the same, of course- gory 70s horror is my bread and butter- but I think I have a more varied menu to pick from now. (I’m also shocked I didn’t include The Last Unicorn on that original list...) So, without further ado, here’s the current list:

10. Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972)

I LOVE Hammer Dracula. I’ve seen a lot of Dracula adaptations but there’s something cozy about coming back to Hammer’s series of films, be it the clear influences it has on my favorite video game series, or the way it was my gateway into this particular era of horror. I kept going back and forth between including this or The Vampire Lovers, but A.D. has a camp appeal that you just can’t get anywhere else, even in Hammer’s other vampire films. There’s a lot to love about this movie: the goofy 60s/70s slang and its “how do you do fellow kids” energy, the creepy ritual scene, the friend group of teenage hippies (including a female Van Helsing, Jessica!), Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing reuniting to play Dracula and Professor Van Helsing, literally everything about Johnny Alucard... But it’s mostly just a ton of fun. I think this was the first Hammer film I watched, actually.

9. The Wicker Man (1973)

You ever watch a movie that you realize, in amazement, is like, absolutely perfect and watertight in every way? Like, what do I even say about a movie like that? Well, The Wicker Man is that movie. It’s that good. Just about every element- the costuming, the environment, the mystery, the twists and turns, Christopher Lee, THE MUSIC... Just watch this one, it’s such a classic for a reason. It’s got some interesting things to say about religion, and it’s, again, just a perfectly-made film. So fucking good!

8. La Chiesa (1989)

Full recency bias here because I only just watched it for the first time recently, but you really can’t go wrong with a Dario Argento movie (even if he wasn’t the director on this one, he still produced and wrote it) if you’re looking for bloody, surreal, beautiful horror. This one also has some really interesting themes at play, being about a church built on top of a mass grave of wrongfully slain innocents (the mechanism of the church is literally oiled in blood, it’s not subtle!). In the modern day, a group of people find themselves trapped inside of the church after one of the people working there disturbed the tomb of the vengeful spirits. It’s got a huge ensemble cast, extremely gory kills (that one with the jackhammer is a standout it’s so gnarly), and a great soundtrack. I liked Father Gus as a character, the realization that to end the suffering he must destroy the church being paired with his priest collar slowly coming undone and falling off... Look, I never said it was subtle, but it is a cool detail. Many people say this movie is another style-over-substance Argento film but I think it actually had quite a bit to say. Even if you’re not convinced, it’s at least worth watching just to see the incredible shots of the real church they filmed in, it’s beautiful! I could definitely see this one crawling further up the ranks.

7. The Craft (1996)

This movie is extremely flawed but I love it. Solid 6/10 but it’s also one of my favorite movies of all time. You know? It's a ton of fun and I love seeing the characters interact and their journey of learning magic- and how that all comes undone in spectacular fashion. But I think the ending is what deflates it a little for me. It feels really unfair to see Nancy get locked away in an asylum (especially given the really not great implications of her secret daughter in the terrible sequel. Don’t watch it) when I think the more fitting ending would be for her to let Sarah bind her powers after she’s defeated in the fight scene. Nancy is a character who craves power, who wields it against others. I think having her accept that the magic isn’t hers to wield would have been a lot more poignant. (And don’t get me started on Bonnie and Rochelle getting treated like they’re evil for the relatively minor things they did! They should have stayed friends with Sarah in the end! Also a word of advice to any film-maker: if you want to make me sympathize with your main character don’t make her the most boringly-dressed, most “normal” character in the group). Despite my many complaints this movie is such a blast to watch. It never fails to give me that cozy slumber party feeling. Everything up until the ending is, like, perfect. It feels real and reminds me of that obligatory teenage girl witch phase literally everyone had at some point. But, like, in a fun and nice way.

6. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)

Another recency bias pick since at the time of writing I just watched this yesterday night (also don’t read further if you don’t want to be spoiled for Twin Peaks if you haven’t seen it!). This movie is harrowing, but it’s so good. Lynch really knew how to give each scene the proper emotional weight- I knew, as soon as I saw the scene where Laura is sobbing in the bushes over having seen Bob and realizing it was her father, begging “not him, it can’t be him”, that this was definitely going on my favorites list, and then that whole bar scene with the blasting music and barely audible dialogue and Laura realizing what she had dragged Donna into... God, that just confirmed it. (And ugh I can’t get over “I thought you always knew it was me” I HATE YOU LELAND!!!!!!!) But even despite retelling the bleak story of an abused girl being murdered by her father, the ending is really bittersweet. Laura smiles in death, refusing to continue the cycle, and she sees her angel smiling down upon her, I believe supposed to represent her moving on to the White Lodge. I love how this movie shows us what’s behind the curtain- despite Twin Peaks being a very funny, quirky show at times, it was still, always, about the abuse and untimely death of a teenage girl, that everyone turned a blind eye towards until she was already gone. But she is victorious in death; she is the center of that universe. She smiles. It really affected me. Just, definitely watch the TV show first.

5. Nosferatu (2024)

Could be seen as another recency bias pick, but god this movie owns. I won’t spend too much time on it since I did a detailed review post in January that you can go read, but it’s an excellent take on a classic with INCREDIBLE cinematography and interesting themes of shame, desire, trauma and abuse, and I think this take on Ellen will be remembered as one of the all-time greats of vampire movie protagonists for years to come. I’ve been raving about it to everyone!

4. La Morte Vivante (1982)

Now we’re really in it- the top 4 are the movies I see as my absolute, unshakeable favorites. I think I did a review of this one for the site as well (back in 2023), but this is definitely still my favorite movie in the lesbian vampire subgenre (I always sort this into the “70s horror” category despite it being from the 80s, lol...). Catherine’s take on undeath is so unique and tragic, and Helene is such a compelling character, determined to keep the object of her love and grief fed until she eats her alive. If I was slightly more insane I’d put Catherine on the kinlist. That scene of her wandering through her childhood bedroom, and the scene where she saves the girl that Helene brought to her... Those affected my brain, permanently. Despite some filler, this movie is a masterpiece, in my opinion, and worth watching for anyone who enjoys schlocky 70s lesbian vampire nonsense.

3. Suspiria (1977)

What hasn’t been said about Suspiria?! This movie is such a visual feast and a treat for the ears and a gorefest for the soul. I had the great pleasure of seeing it for the first time at a restored 1920s silent movie palace and that’s an experience you just can’t replicate. It’s kind of hard to discuss the plot just because of how simple it is- a girl goes to a dancing school, discovers it’s run by witches who thrive on pain and suffering, and then defeats the head witch and destroys the school- but Suspiria is really a movie you experience rather than one you watch, if that makes sense. It’s full of super creative kill scenes (the scene with the dog... iykyk) and every scene is rich with color- the most common being bright red, as though blood has soaked into the film itself. I don’t really know HOW to recommend it enough- just go watch Suspiria! Everyone loves Suspiria!

2. The Last Unicorn (1982)

I’ve also talked about this one many times, but it’s one of those movies that grows with you. It’s a fun fantasy film with charming characters, a sort of metatextual bent in how it plays with fairy tale archetype, and it can be interpreted in so many resonant ways, from a memento mori to a feminine coming of age. Every time I rewatch it or reread the book, I find something new waiting for me. The animation is beautiful and the unicorn’s journey, becoming the hero that is brave enough to stand up to the bull when all else fails, is a compelling one. This is a classic for a reason. Also, Christopher Lee is in it!

1. Shoujo Kakumei Utena: Adolescence Mokushiroku (1999)

This is sort of like Fire Walk With Me in that you should probably watch the TV show it’s based on before you think about watching the movie. But Utena is great and this is the perfect final conclusion to its story, as told through a retelling. It seeks to explore different themes from the show (the series is about escaping from abusive relationships, whereas the movie is about recovering from them, but both are absolutely about how gender plays into those ideas) and I can’t gush enough about the entire ending sequence, wherein Utena rejects the ghost of princehood and instead offers Anthy escape from the school. (Yes, by turning into a car. It makes sense in context as a sort of symbol of adulthood and autonomy, okay?) It was the movie that almost broke me out of my depression, as weird as that sounds. It made me want to go out and live in the “outside world” instead of living in my parents’ claustrophobic, awful house because I was too scared of the world outside. I identify a lot with the movie’s take on Anthy (and I thought it was especially cool that we get to see her without all the facades she puts up in the show) and it was like this movie was speaking directly to me, telling me that it was time for me to escape, too, and go out and live. And I did! The end. Because of that, it’s got top billing as my favorite movie of all time.

...So, there’s the whole list! Subject to change, of course, but I always love writing about the films I enjoy.

Today's song is: Visage - The Damned Don't Cry

Hello, hello! It’s been a minute since I bothered to make a blog post even though a LOT has happened. So let’s just run through it right now:

At the end of January I released my Angel Hare shrine (which netted the elusive “Web Zone” categorization on my shrines directory), and I am quite proud of it! It’s got games and changing text and I really like how the layout came out. My girlfriend said I got the “weird religious website” vibe down perfectly, which makes me happy. It’s always nice to cross a project like that off of the bucket list.

Also, big things are happening in the Menagerie! All of my page-adopts are now interactive through a simple widget of mine I call “LocalPet”, the source code of which can be found through the Menagerie directory, so anyone can use it. The concept is that it is fully customizable and entirely locally hosted to your website, so you aren’t relying on external sites to keep your pet functional. It can be compatible with any virtual pet since the CSS is entirely flexible. I like how it came out and I love the little widgets I made for my own pets with this code.

Other news, other news... I did all-quests 100% Hard Level 1 playthroughs of Order of Ecclesia and Portrait of Ruin and had a blast. I’ve played Hard Level 1 before a couple times and I’ve done all-quest runs, but never at the same time. And I am quite pleased with my “perfect save files” lol. Doing Large Cavern and the Nest of Evil on such a restricted difficulty level (with the Jarlotte glitch in Portrait, no less) was a ton of fun. Next time I pick up a Castlevania I want to try finally beating Old Axe Armor mode... I think I could do it. I mean, I beat Richter Mode, how bad can it be?

Also, my site’s birthday (and my own birthday, too!) is coming up on the 15th (and mine’s on the 19th). The New Year’s post already went over the past year of site updates so I won’t belabor the point, but here’s to another year of fun web-art. I’ve got some plans for some new and unique adoptables, and a small idea for Easter... And as for short term plans I’ve been thinking about condensing the character playlists page into the Record Box page and also making a new and exciting “Picture Palace” page where you can easily find links to watch a bunch of movies I like for free online, as well as my thoughts on them. Because, like... a ton of my favorite horror movies are just. On youtube. Or the Internet Archive! Film is a huge love of mine and I’d like to share it. I’m back and forth on whether I’d like to give this full “main homepage navigation menu” honors (since I do want to sort the Treasure Chest into the misc directory sometime soon since as far as pages go it’s a bit mid, a relic of early in my site when I was just kind of imitating what I saw on other sites) or have it be another misc page. We’ll see.

I also have just finished watching Twin Peaks, which is an awesome show. I feel a bit bad I never got around to getting into David Lynch’s work before his passing. But overall I really enjoyed it, it reminded me a lot of Revolutionary Girl Utena and kind of challenged me on the same level intellectually. Good stuff. I’ll be watching Fire Walk With Me soon-ish and I’m eager to share my thoughts on it based on the praise I’ve heard for the film and its depictions of abuse. Seeing things from Laura Palmer’s perspective is kind of the missing piece, right? She haunts the narrative of the whole show, so it kind of completes things to then see the world through her eyes rather than see her through the world’s... I don’t know. Solid 8/10 show.

Also, here’s the one bit of bad news... We took Autumn to get neutered and we also got him tested for Heartworm. Unfortunately, he is heartworm positive. I waited to say anything until we had him on treatment so I couldn’t jinx it or anything. I dunno. Based on the worms’ age he probably got infected when he was a stray and he must have been super young, like 2 or 3 months. We caught it somewhat early before too much damage was dealt and we have him on antibiotics and steroids. The treatment is long and extremely expensive (it will be months and months before he will be allowed to exercise like normal) but he’s a good sport about this kind of thing and I am getting help paying for it. Still, if you want to chip in, my ko-fi is here. He’s been very good with taking his pills, I am extremely impressed with him. I’ve never met a dog who’s been so agreeable about having things shoved down his throat!

So, yeah, that’s everything that’s been going on with me! Some good, some bad.

Today's song is: Louise Patricia Crane - Deity

Holy shit, what a movie! It’s going to be hard to put my thoughts on it into words but I’ll try my best. But before we begin, a quick warning: my reading of this film centers heavily on the subtext of sexual violence and abuse. In fact, I think any analysis of this movie that doesn't take this into account is a flawed one.

To begin: this is a great adaptation. Lots of iconic shots and lines from the original silent film are kept, and nearly every scene is retained. It also kept a lot of my favorite aspects from the original source material of Dracula as well (including that sweet sweet Lucy/Mina doomed yuri via Ellen and Anna...). And oh my goodness, the cinematography! The colors! The way the movie uses colors and lighting feels like a revival of the way old silent movies use color tinting and I am here for it.

The story is about the same apart from one important and very smart change: Ellen’s role in the movie is expanded, and she is made the main character. Her involvement with Orlock begins not when he sees Hutter’s locket, but rather when she uses her metaphysical abilities as a child to call out for a guardian angel. Orlock’s psychic link torments her and causes her to have fits and visions that everyone around her dismisses as mere hysteria. But once her husband Thomas goes on his trip to Orlock’s castle- and promptly goes missing- her visions return. Doctors are confounded by her mysterious illness, ignoring the truth she tries to explain: she is being tormented by her abuser.

Let’s discuss the “shadow”, which I think is one of the most potent pieces of imagery in the film, one inspired by some of the most impressive shots from the original film. I believe it represents repression. Many Dracula adaptations try to put in a theme of repression of sexuality to mixed results (see: all the films that default to “Lucy is an evil slut and Mina is a pure virgin”), but this is the only film that understands that the true evil is that a culture of repression makes it impossible to talk about exploitation and abuse. It continues to happen, but the monster cannot be acknowledged or brought into the daylight.

Orlock’s attacks and blood drinking scenes are filmed like scenes of sexual assault, and the way the men in Ellen’s life would rather tie her down than listen to her is a clear metaphor for how victims are silenced. Another succinct example is one of the earlier scenes in the movie is two parents (Freidrich and Anna) dismissing their children’s cries that a monster is lurking in the bedroom; their children are then found dead much later. Which begs the question: what if they had believed them? What if they believed Ellen? What if they listened?

Instead, they don’t listen, and the only way Ellen is able to defeat the Nosferatu is by letting him in, and letting him devour her until the sun rises (God what an amazing shot, seeing the sky of dawn...)- sacrificing herself to bring the shadow into the light, destroying Orlock forever.

This movie was so good!!! Even beyond the deep themes, I was also very excited to get scared by a Dracula movie for the first time. Imagine that! I spend a lot of my time watching vampire films but this is the first one I can say had me actually frightened of the horror.

I think my only complaint is that yet again we see a Dracula film that doesn’t challenge the myths and stereotypes about Romania present in the original text (and 99% of adaptations), and I think that’s a missed opportunity, even if this film very much sympathizes with those that are deemed as hysterical and superstitious by the mainstream. Like, I’m sure real life Romanians and Romani people are pretty sick of being cast as crazy townsfolk, lol. (At least the Romani are portrayed as effective vampire hunters instead of “servants of the count” this time around.. grimaces). Honestly I feel like we have to have this conversation about every adaptation of Dracula, and most vampire media tbh. I also kind of wish we could have gotten an ending where Ellen didn’t have to die, but it was in the original film, so I guess I can’t complain too much. She’s a really well-written character with a central role, so I don’t think she counts as being ‘fridged’.

But yeah, other than those two points, this movie RULES, especially if you’re a film buff. I spent half the time being like “oh this movie GETS HOW IT FEELS” and half of the time stimming excitedly at the cinematography. Easily one of my top 10 (I should make another favorite movies list sometime... The one I made on my blog near the start of my site is very very outdated)

In other news! My next shrine is under way. I have my outline, and how I will do all the complicated code bits figured out and I am so excited to bring it to fruition. Now to make a bunch of graphics and actually write the damn thing...!

Today's song is: Nosferatu - Crysania (Believe In Me)

You may remember nearly a year ago I did a big blog post outlining which Bella Sara horses influenced which Clovenglade horses, and other design inspiration I took. It only felt right to give credit to what the project is blatantly inspired by. Well, with Beast Friends 8 new horse cards and a bunch of interesting critters have been added to the cast, so here's part 2 to that.

Dandelion Bunny - Part of the main six Beast Friends, which I’ll be covering first. I had plans for expansion card packs as far back as when I was making the point-and-click game, so the Dandelion Bunny got a cameo appearance in that, as well as showing up as a plush in the cottage. Magical Friends is the Bella Sara series that I have the most nostalgia for, so Beast Friends is directly inspired, because I knew I wanted to populate Clovenglade with similarly magical animals. The Dandelion Bunny itself is something secretive and shy and ephemeral as seeds on the wind, only appearing in the springtime, matching with the themes of the whole project. I also wanted to give Oskar the most special unique collectable in the point-and-click game since he's the default horse and all. So, the Dandelion Bunny was born.

Pyre-Mouse - Directly inspired by the Tasselmouse, but with an aesthetic and personality more befitting Juliana. I also have these super vague memories of having to find a fiery imp creature in Bella Sara Adventures for a quest, which was kept as an item in the inventory until you could deliver it (and I of course felt weird about parting with it) so it's aesthetically based on that imp thing as well.

Canyon Hawk - Toby needed a sharper, cooler looking companion animal, and I like animating birds and wings and such. Not inspired by anything specific, I just like to draw birds, and the design came pretty naturally.

Blackwolf - First appearing in the point-and-click game, the Blackwolf actually goes back a little further than that. You know the dark woods labelled “Return to Wygol Village” in Clovenglade that will take you back to my homepage? Originally that was going to also be a page, and you could find wolves there, I just couldn't figure out what to actually, like... put there. Wolves were villains in Bella Sara but are one of my favorite animals, so I knew I wanted to reframe them in a positive light for this project from the very beginning. So, Blackwolves take care of and protect forests with no Unicorn. What happened to the Unicorn of the dark forest in the south of Clovenglade? I have no idea, but the Blackwolves take good care of the woods in its stead.

Spicebear - First appeared as my replacement for the original teddybear sprite in the Cottage. I already had some rough ideas for what Beast Friends would be but once I had the design I had a more solid idea. It's a little inspired by the Tea-Leaf Panda but not entirely so.

Celestial Fish - Fills out the glitter and rainbows quota for the main cast, and I wanted to include an aquatic animal as well. Since Dawnbreaker is somewhat lore important, being the Princess’s horse, it makes sense to include her companion in the main cast of adoptables even if Dawnbreaker herself isn't a horse available to be picked in the Stable. No specific design inspiration.

Tidal & Selkie Seal - Tidal is the character I played as in the Bella Sara 3DS game, which lets you customize your playable horse. The gameplay is pretty simple but the visuals are nice and the main appeal is playing dressup and galloping around pretty environments. (I quit after that weirdly difficult mission to follow perfume scents to find who stole the gems or whatever lol). I wanted to make a mer-horse eventually but I don't think that was an option. So here's more how I envisioned her. The Selkie Seal she's depicted with is based on selkie myths, since I already had a fish creature.

Marmalade & Twirlycat - A normal horse with a cute design, and a rejected design for Juliana’s companion creature. Very much inspired by the Sun Cat and a little bit inspired by Espeon, it was meant to be a cat with psychic powers. I like Marmalade’s bob hairstyle. The Sun Cat was my favorite Magical Friend.

Zenith and Eclipse Lion - The card’s design is something between Cybele and Jonathan... I love the appearance of a dark brown horse with a golden mane. I knew I wanted an eclipse theme for this horse, so the dark/light contrast of the lion is meant to evoke that a bit, as well as the Blackcomb Lion Thunder was friends with.

Lattice and Garden-Drake - Directly inspired by Ivy, and I didn't realize how direct it really was until I peeked at Ivy’s card again. The purple berries are meant to evoke the Bobolink, another favorite Bella Sara creature.

Cinnamon and Pumpkin Bat - The pumpkin bat first originates from my 2023 Halloween adoptables. I’m still really proud of that animated sprite so I gave it a cameo here. Cinnamon’s status as a unicorn is pretty mysterious though, as they're pretty unique in Clovenglade lore and each one corresponds to a forest- Clovenglade only has two major forests. She's a foal, so perhaps her birth means that a new forest will appear, or she'll go live in the dark woods that the Blackwolves are tending to. Who knows... Either way, I like drawing night-time scenes like this one.

Omen and Gargoyle - I firmly believe that one of the coolest things about Bella Sara is the presence of cool and scary and badass horses in addition to ones that are just pretty or cute, which isn't common in “girly media” and made me feel very seen as a kid. Omen is cool and scary, being a sort of shrouded oracle, and she was a ton of fun to draw. The gargoyle is just a gargoyle (well, actually technically a grotesque... whatever)

Barghest and Churchgrim - another cool/scary horse, and a bit inspired by Conall, the half-wolf-half-horse. I liked Conall a lot, especially in “Bella’s Gift”. Barghest is also inspired by legends of churchgrims and other creepy black dogs that portend your doom, but she's a kind presence rather than a forboding one and just wants to lead you safely home- either in life, or to the afterlife. Out of all the artwork for these cards this is the coolest one to me so far.

Titania and Fairy Cat - Filling the brightly colored pretty horse quota, I really like how she turned out. No particular inspiration for her companion animal, but I love a good orange and purple color scheme.

That's all for Beast Friends. In other news I’ve been rearranging a lot of my pages to keep my folders more organized and my URLs more concise. I shouldn't have any weird dead links or 404s now (I was pretty meticulous) but let me know if something is broken. AND I’m super excited I’m going to watch Nosferatu this Thursday!!! I’ve heard mostly good things but have managed to avoid spoilers...

Also, I’d like to start doing a “song of the day” for each of my blog posts (and will be going back to add one to my New Year’s post retroactively). Because I really just love music and sharing the music that I enjoy!

Today's song is: Light Asylum - A Certain Person

Well, it's time to ring in the new year again! 2025 here we come...! That's officially in “the future”. Last year I made a post full of new year's resolutions and goals for the site and other fun things so I think I’d like to look back on it and how much of the goals I set I actually ended up accomplishing.

2024 has been a pretty great year for me. I moved out of my parents’ house, I got a dog of my very own, and I’ve experienced a lot of growth and happiness. I’ve been struggling more with some of my OCD compulsions this year (I highly suspect my constant edits of Clovenglade graphics is related to this, if you remember when I was editing and redrawing a bunch of the stable horse sprites...) but I’ve been doing my best to curb them. I also accomplished a lot on the web-side of things and I am super happy about it. I made a lot of strides with game development and making my site more interactive and immersive in particular.

My main new year's resolution last year was to quit using social media (particularly Tumblr), which I have stuck true to my word and haven't logged in since then. Unfortunately I still need to kick a nasty habit I have when I’m on my phone to just lurk on random Tumblr accounts and backread their posts. Oddly I never have this compulsion when I am on my laptop (and it does feel compulsive). Very weird. So my main goal for this year in terms of online health is to kick that habit as well.

But as for the web-goals I set for future projects, back then:

“I want to add more interactive stuff to the website. Particularly, I’d love to add a sort of walk-around game to Clovenglade where the player can ride their chosen horse through the countryside and enjoy the sights and some NPC dialogue and so on. I’m not sure how I’ll accomplish this, but I’d especially like to have it seamlessly display the horse the player has chosen. Making something that's mechanically satisfying while still being able to be compatible with the rest of Clovenglade will be a challenge. I’m not sure when I’ll start attempting to act on this concept but I definitely have some ideas on the backburner there.”

Well! This happened :) Hilariously my original plan for this at the time (with the working title “Fields of Clovenglade” as I thought I would only be able to have one small field area... ha!) was to try and have the player control an image on a massive scrolling background and try very hard to position images of NPCs on said giant scrolling background... (with dialogue on mouseover, accomplished through the title property, I think?) I wasn't sure if I could make a “real game” even though it was the final piece Clovenglade needed. Thankfully, a perfect tool for this particular idea existed in the form of Adventure Game Studio, and the coolest part of my website was born. (I even got the “seamless sync with your selected horse” thing in there, eventually!) All in all, a complete success!

“I also want to make some kind of potion cooking game and have been wanting to for a while. I want to make it so the player can select 2 or 3 different ingredients and get a different result depending on which they picked, and each potion has a different “effect”. I’m not sure how I’ll go about making this but I’d love to create something like this for my Arcade page.”

Done! Mostly as a test-run with Twine which I’m still not 100% well versed in, and it's got some kind of ugly looking default styling since I couldn't figure out how to get CSS working on there, but you can, in fact, make some potions.

“I’d also love to make some kind of dollmaker at some point, the hardest part would probably just be making all the assets lol”

I completed this one as well. It's pretty neat! I had a lot of fun coming up with some gloomy goth looks for this game, so check it out if you haven't.

“I also want to look into Twine! The Dungeon was one of the first projects I even finished for the site and I think making an expanded remake of it using Twine would be really cool sometime.”

See above, I didn't end up remaking the Dungeon (but that would be cool for a site anniversary sometime? Hmmm) and I'm still not satisfied with my knowledge of Twine. Maybe I’ll dip my toe in again sometime.

“I also think it would be cool to make a 3D page someday, and add an Oekaki board... But I’ve always found all the tutorials for implementing those really confusing. I’ll have to investigate further.”

I did neither of these. I’m not as interested in having an art board at the moment, tbh (though they are cool), but a 3D page is still such a neat idea. Maybe I should peek at MelonKing’s tutorials again in the future. I’ve seen a few really creative 3D web projects and having that layer of interactivity is always really exciting and fun to me.

I also made two other shrines (with one even featuring an interactive game of its own) and made some small and enjoyable edits to Clovenglade, like the recent expansion and the addition of hunger/thirst/etc. bars in the stable (as well as a very cool secret thing I’d like to continue to keep under wraps) and some graphical updates. I love this project of mine so much and I’d like to continue to let it grow with me, as websites are a constantly changing medium and all. I have plans for other expansions but those are meant for me to tinker away at between other projects- I’m not in a huge hurry. Also, I made some very cute adoptables this year and I hope to make some more for the Pet Shop.

When I made that original list all of the goals on there felt so out of reach (especially “Fields of Clovenglade”). I even made a silly little disclaimer like “UM not that any of this is coming out next year or anything don't get your hopes up!” Meanwhile I accomplished just about everything on that list...! It's so easy to find myself thinking that my work is imperfect and janky and needs to be better or fixed or whatever but I’ve accomplished so much I only dreamed of doing one day. Here's hoping for more in 2025.

So, here's the “new year but not necessarily in the next year” goal list:

-I love hosting games on my website!!! To this end, I want to learn a good free engine for making simple web-games. I want to make memory match, breakout, etc. style minigames in particular, which shouldn't be too difficult. I’ve been sniffing at GDevelop. But we'll see.

-I’d really love to redo the CSS on my OOE shrine so it doesn't use a clunky looking template. Nothing can replace just doing the CSS yourself, and I wish I had actually attempted to at the time! It's just hard to find motivation for this kind of thing.

-I’ve got plans for a shrine that, if all goes well, should randomize some text on the page-load to give the illusion of the webpage being “alive” and “talking to you” (if you're at all familiar with my tastes in online horror webseries you can probably guess what this shrine will be for.) The concept is that it's an in-universe website for an in-universe media property. I dunno when I’ll get around to this but I think the concept is pretty solid!

-I want to get back into writing music... I wrote a lot of shitty vocaloid music as a teenager but now I want to try actually cooking lol

-I believe I mentioned before my idea to make an interactive pet code snippet that accommodates for any image resolution and can be hosted 100% locally, called LocalPet and based on the code for the Clovenglade stable. That's still on the table as a future plan.

I think that's about it for now. Happy new year- I’ll be interested to look back on this in a year’s time.

Today's song is: The Shroud - Suphur Salt and Mercuryd